I’ve had another deep understanding of the importance of putting yourself first today. It is especially important when in terms of putting value on the self and not cutting ourselves short. It sucks, but after you grew up and moved away from your non-horrible family, nobody would probably do that for you. It is unlikely that someone will be constantly concerned for your wellness before their own, even if they say otherwise. It just doesn’t happen that often in a world that stresses the importance of independence. Perhaps this is why people are hustling to find a partner that will do that. Hopefully.
I decided I’m going to name my first cat Pharrell because it’s going to be a super smooth cat with swagger. And I also decided, after almost adopting a puppy today, that I will name my first dog Elizabeth after Queen Elizabeth I, Elizabeth from Bio Shock Infinite, Elizabeth from Persona, and of course, Elizabeth Lemon. she’s going to be beautiful and intelligent and basically the best Netflix marathon buddy ever.
For so many reasons. It’s always the season when things go to shit. This spring, I may need a divorce. What is a modern day equivalent of leaving the family and joining the circus?
Made it through another March alive. However, some people are exiting my life. Or taking a hiatus, or passive aggressive angry break that has yet to be explained to me yet. It’s strange. Usually, I would sit and wallow and crawl into my dark place, but not this year. Sure I had recurring nightmares but it’s not as bad this time. Probably because I’ve spent the last year or so really building new relationships with worthwhile people and nurturing, as much as I could, the ones I already have. Perhaps it’s also because I now work at an agency that provide crisis mental health support so a lot of these interpersonal dramas seem like much less important fish in comparison to the life and death situations we got going on everyday. I’m not sure.
Am I all settled and happy about these maybe departing relationships? No. Of course not. I invest a great deal in every person of my life, often too much for my own good. So it clearly pains me. But I have so much more to worry about now I just can’t find extra strength in me to deal with them aka comply with requirements to amend things. It truly troubles me but I was told to constantly remind myself that it’s likely that I deserve the good things in life or some shit like that. Things come to an end. It’s not the first time I get cut out of people’s lives for reasons that I’m probably going to rolls my eyes about years and years later. So it’s not as bad. Sure I might get a rage stroke or sudden urge to eat an extra large pizza alone later, but right now I have stuff to deal with. Such as becoming me, such as reading more on transgender struggles, such as the mice that live in my couch and kept me up all night by holding a community hang-out sesh in the cushion.
Things are happening.